Ron Swanson: Capitalism is the only way … It makes...

Quote	Capitalism is the only way … It makes America great, England OK and France terrible. Copy
Author	Ron Swanson
Category	Parks and Recreation
Quote Length	Short
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Quote: History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

History began July 4th,...

Quote: Turkey can never beat cow.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Turkey can never beat...

Quote: I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish: for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I've been developing the...

Quote: It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

It’s always a good...

Quote: I am only here because I owe Leslie a thousand favors. I'm not big on charities. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I am only here...

Quote: My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

My idea of a...

Quote: Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Veganism is the sad...

Quote: Am I interrupting anything important? Impossible. I work for the government.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Am I interrupting anything...

Quote: Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Fish, for sport only,...

Quote: The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

The government is a...

Quote: I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I like saying ‘No,’...

Quote: I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I’m a simple man....

Quote: Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Never half-ass two things....

Quote: I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I like Tom. He...

Quote: Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Birthdays were invented by...

Quote: Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero Stars.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Dear frozen yogurt, you...

Quote: The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

The less I know...

Quote: There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

There are only three...

Quote: I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I call this turf...

Quote: I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I just want to...

Quote: You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

You’ve accidentally given me...

Quote: Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Give a man a...

Quote: Haircuts, there are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Haircuts, there are three...

Quote: Ron, would you like a salad? Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Ron, would you like...

Quote: Do you have any history of mental illness in your family? I have an uncle who does yoga.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation