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About Owl Quote
Copyright © 2022 OwlQuote.com and Spring Launch Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.

All content on this website ("the Site") is the property of Spring Launch Media LLC. The collection and assembly of content on this Site are the exclusive property of Spring Launch Media LLC and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. All quotations remain the intellectual property of their respective owners. We do not asset any claim of copyright for individual quotations. The use of quotations is done under the fair use copyright principal.

George Carlin Quotes Share
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https://owlquote.com/i/q/owlquote__quotes?b=&a=George20Carlin&d=&_n=25
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In America, anyone can... In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
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In comic strips, the... In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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In comic strips, the person… copied to clipboard
Inside every cynical person,... Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Inside every cynical person, there… copied to clipboard
Isn’t it a bit... Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving… copied to clipboard
I've begun worshipping the... I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to 'God' are all answered at about the same 50% rate.
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Just cause you got... Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
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Laugh often, long and... Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Laugh often, long and loud.… copied to clipboard
Life gets really simple... Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Life gets really simple once… copied to clipboard
Life is not measured... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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Life is not measured by… copied to clipboard
May the forces of... May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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May the forces of evil… copied to clipboard
Men are from Earth,... Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Meow” means “woof” in... Meow” means “woof” in cat.
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Meow” means “woof” in cat. copied to clipboard
Most people work just... Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Never argue with an... Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Never argue with an idiot.… copied to clipboard
Never underestimate the power... Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Not only do I... Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Not only do I not… copied to clipboard
One can never know... One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
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One can never know for… copied to clipboard
One tequila, two tequila,... One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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People who say they... People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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People who see life... People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Religion is just mind... Religion is just mind control.
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Religion is like a... Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
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Scratch any cynic and... Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Scratch any cynic and you… copied to clipboard
Some people see the... Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Some people see things... Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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Standing ovations have become... Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Tell people there's an... Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
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That's why they call... That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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The caterpillar does all... The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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The main reason Santa... The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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The most unfair thing... The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.
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The other night I... The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
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The other night I ate… copied to clipboard
The reason I talk... The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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The very existence of... The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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The very existence of... The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.
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There are nights when... There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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There's no present. There's... There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
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There's no present. There's only… copied to clipboard
Think of how stupid... Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Weather forecast for tonight:... Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Well, if crime fighters... Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
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What does it mean... What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
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When I ask how... When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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When someone is impatient... When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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When Thomas Edison worked... When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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When you step on... When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
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When you're born into... When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat.
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When you're born you... When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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You know an odd... You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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You know an odd feeling?… copied to clipboard
You know the good... You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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