Lily Tomlin: I always wanted to be somebody, but now...

Quote	I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Copy
Author	Lily Tomlin
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Short
Find on Amazon	Lily Tomlin

Quote: My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips are sorta funny when I smile.
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Author:
Terry Farrell
Category:
Funny

My eyes are different...

Quote: Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny.
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Author:
Shah Rukh Khan
Category:
Funny

Without hurting anybody, we...

Quote: A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
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Author:
George Bernard Shaw
Category:
Funny

A government that robs...

Quote: I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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Author:
George Burns
Category:
Funny

I spent a year...

Quote: It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
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Author:
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Category:
Funny

It's simple, if it...

Quote: Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.
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Author:
Rowan Atkinson
Category:
Funny

Funny things tend not...

Quote: I was foreign and Jewish, with a funny name, and was very small and hated sport, a real problem at an English prep school. So the way to get round it was to become the school joker, which I did quite effectively - I was always fooling around to make the people who would otherwise dump me in the loo laugh.
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Author:
Alain de Botton
Category:
Funny

I was foreign and...

Quote: It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.'Christine Teigen
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Author:
Chrissy Teigen
Category:
Funny

It's funny because I...

Quote: If you're public speaking, imagine yourself feeling confident; if you're nervous about a date and thinking, 'I'm gonna be a dork,' picture yourself being funny. Then it will be familiar to your brain.
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Author:
Lindsey Stirling
Category:
Funny

If you're public speaking,...

Quote: The tour bus is always fun, and there's plenty of time to watch movies. Actually, Kanye introduced me to the movie 'Step Brothers.' We were sitting there, watching it and clowning around - it was so funny, man.
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Author:
Kid Cudi
Category:
Funny

The tour bus is...

Quote: My mum passing away wasn't funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation.
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Author:
Kevin Hart
Category:
Funny

My mum passing away...

Quote: For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy.
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Author:
George A. Romero
Category:
Funny

For a Catholic kid...

Quote: Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On 'Parks and Rec,' we've got some of the funniest comedy writers, some of the funniest comedians in the world working there. And if anything, we don't just effuse to one another and be like, 'Oh, Rob Lowe's really funny,' if he wasn't.
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Author:
Chris Pratt
Category:
Funny

Who knew Rob Lowe...

Quote: A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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Author:
Ernest Hemingway
Category:
Funny

A man's got to...

Quote: I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something.
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Author:
Brian Wilson
Category:
Funny

I meditate and I...

Quote: Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
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Author:
Luis Bunuel
Category:
Funny

Age is something that...

Quote: I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
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Author:
Lena Dunham
Category:
Funny

I never thought of...

Quote: I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed.
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Author:
Brooke Nevin
Category:
Funny

I'm a fan of...

Quote: I have a rule - 'funny is funny!' When I write comedy, it's not my aim to upset people. I will be offensive, edgy and immature, but I will also be very intelligent and relevant. At my shows, there are no holy cows.
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Author:
Vir Das
Category:
Funny

I have a rule...

Quote: All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
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Author:
Lewis Black
Category:
Funny

All the candy corn...

Quote: It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
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Author:
Lewis Black
Category:
Funny

It took forever for...

Quote: I'm not that good looking. That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny.
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Author:
Psy
Category:
Funny

I'm not that good...

Quote: Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot.
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Author:
Justin Bieber
Category:
Funny

Cheryl Cole and Katy...

Quote: It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are.
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Author:
Matt Lauer
Category:
Funny

It usually takes two...

Quote: I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
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Author:
Imelda Marcos
Category:
Funny

I did not have...

Quote: It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment!
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Author:
Garth Brooks
Category:
Funny

It's funny how a...

Quote: Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
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Author:
Bill Hicks
Category:
Funny

Children are smarter than...

Quote: I am the shortest and least funny person in my family.
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Author:
Heather Donahue
Category:
Funny

I am the shortest...

Quote: What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating.
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Author:
Scott Hamilton
Category:
Funny

What was really funny...

Quote: You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.
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Author:
Thomas Hardy
Category:
Funny

You can do anything...

Lily Tomlin: I always wanted to be somebody, but now...

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