Herb Caen: I have a memory like an elephant. I...

Quote	I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. Copy
Author	Herb Caen
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Short
Find on Amazon	Herb Caen

Quote: I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares.
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Author:
George Takei
Category:
Funny

I discovered that funny...

Quote: The next time you have a thought... let it go.
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Author:
Ron White
Category:
Funny

The next time you...

Quote: My hope is that we can spread the word: Wonder Woman is not some unapproachable goddess. She's funny, dangerous, intimidating, brilliant, and compassionate. In many ways, I think she's the most human superheroine there is.
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Author:
Gail Simone
Category:
Funny

My hope is that...

Quote: If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Author:
Abraham Lincoln
Category:
Funny

If I were two-faced,...

Quote: Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.
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Author:
Bill Gates
Category:
Funny

Like almost everyone who...

Quote: Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, women - we're all trying to find our place in this world of cinema and television and theater. And the great thing with comedy is that most of the time, you could be orange. It doesn't matter, as long you're funny.
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Author:
Sandra Bullock
Category:
Funny

Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, women...

Quote: All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
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Author:
Mitch Hedberg
Category:
Funny

All these jokes have...

Quote: I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
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Author:
Bob Hope
Category:
Funny

I have a wonderful...

Quote: I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival.
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Author:
Hannah Simone
Category:
Funny

I love the funny...

Quote: I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.
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Author:
Paris Hilton
Category:
Funny

I'm blonde and tanned...

Quote: Macho does not prove mucho.
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Author:
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Category:
Funny

Macho does not prove...

Quote: I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
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Author:
Paul Lynde
Category:
Funny

I sang in the...

Quote: Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
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Author:
Chris Rock
Category:
Funny

Karaoke isn't fair when...

Quote: It's funny now how much we look at - whatever you want to call it: art, design, culture stuff, film - online, and how in the online world, you're instantly global.
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Author:
Mike Mills
Category:
Funny

It's funny now how...

Quote: Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
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Author:
H. G. Wells
Category:
Funny

Every time I see...

Quote: I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do.
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Author:
Millie Bobby Brown
Category:
Funny

I'm quite sarcastic, and...

Quote: All I've wanted to be is someone people look up to. It's funny - everyone says I'm controversial. I've never worked out what it is about me that's controversial. I've never had a DUI; I've never been in a brawl; you've never seen photos of me walking out of clubs at 5 A.M.
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Author:
Ruby Rose
Category:
Funny

All I've wanted to...

Quote: Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
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Author:
James Joyce
Category:
Funny

Christopher Columbus, as everyone...

Quote: I read part of it all the way through.
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Author:
Samuel Goldwyn
Category:
Funny

I read part of...

Quote: I've been too funny in my life to have to play a character who's... moderately funny.
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Author:
Chevy Chase
Category:
Funny

I've been too funny...

Quote: Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
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Author:
Samuel Butler
Category:
Funny

Parents are the last...

Quote: Some call-in moderators are neutral and courteous. Then there's Rush Limbaugh, who is funny and pompous and a scapegoater and hatemonger. His popularity could cause you to draw some terrible conclusions about the state of mind of the American people. It helps to remember that Bill Cosby is popular, too.
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Author:
Donella Meadows
Category:
Funny

Some call-in moderators are...

Quote: You're only as good as your last haircut.
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Author:
Fran Lebowitz
Category:
Funny

You're only as good...

Quote: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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Author:
George Burns
Category:
Funny

Happiness is having a...

Quote: My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
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Author:
Mitch Hedberg
Category:
Funny

My fake plants died...

Quote: It seems like everybody's perception of me is very bipolar. To one group, it's overpaid, overrated; to another group, it's underpaid, underrated, underdog. It's funny to me because there's no real balance.
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Author:
Jeremy Lin
Category:
Funny

It seems like everybody's...

Quote: Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
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Author:
Jules Renard
Category:
Funny

Laziness is nothing more...

Quote: It's funny because the action figures are cool, and then I enjoy the magazines because that's me. Obviously, the fans are wonderful - they're so excited - but I'm not Rey, and people tend to not be able to differentiate the two.
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Author:
Daisy Ridley
Category:
Funny

It's funny because the...

Quote: I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
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Author:
Steven Wright
Category:
Funny

I bought some batteries,...

Quote: I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
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Author:
Lena Dunham
Category:
Funny

I never thought of...

Herb Caen: I have a memory like an elephant. I...

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