Charles M. Schulz: I have a new philosophy. I'm only going...

Quote	I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. Copy
Author	Charles M. Schulz
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Short
Find on Amazon	Charles M. Schulz

Quote: I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Copy
Author:
Gloria Steinem
Category:
Funny

I have yet to...

Quote: Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air.
Copy
Author:
Allison Jones
Category:
Funny

Pretty people don't keep...

Quote: If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Copy
Author:
Henny Youngman
Category:
Funny

If you're going to...

Quote: Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Copy
Author:
Milton Berle
Category:
Funny

Experience is what you...

Quote: I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school.
Copy
Author:
J. Cole
Category:
Funny

I was just a...

Quote: I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.
Copy
Author:
Donald Glover
Category:
Funny

I think it's a...

Quote: It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion.
Copy
Author:
Aml Ameen
Category:
Funny

It's a funny thing:...

Quote: Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Copy
Author:
Mark Twain
Category:
Funny

Get your facts first,...

Quote: The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have.
Copy
Author:
Will Ferrell
Category:
Funny

The funny guy doesn't...

Quote: Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
Copy
Author:
Don Rickles
Category:
Funny

Some people say funny...

Quote: There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me.
Copy
Author:
T. J. Miller
Category:
Funny

There's nothing I would...

Quote: The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but when you talk to him and he's around you, he's such a gentleman. He holds doors for ladies. He pulls out chairs. He cooks. He cleans.
Copy
Author:
Malin Akerman
Category:
Funny

The funny thing is...

Quote: Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming.
Copy
Author:
Michael Pena
Category:
Funny

Some of the best...

Quote: Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Copy
Author:
Anthony Burgess
Category:
Funny

Laugh and the world...

Quote: I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference.
Copy
Author:
Conor McGregor
Category:
Funny

I see fighters make...

Quote: I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved.
Copy
Author:
Rose Kennedy
Category:
Funny

I'm like old wine....

Quote: Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don't mind laughing at it before you guys do.
Copy
Author:
Kevin Hart
Category:
Funny

Believe it or not,...

Quote: What's another word for Thesaurus?
Copy
Author:
Steven Wright
Category:
Funny

What's another word for...

Quote: A rich man's joke is always funny.
Copy
Author:
Thomas Edward Brown
Category:
Funny

A rich man's joke...

Quote: I'm not interested in being one of those comedians who wants to look good and be this 'cool' funny person. I don't care how weird or ugly I look.
Copy
Author:
Chris Lilley
Category:
Funny

I'm not interested in...

Quote: Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out.
Copy
Author:
Kate McKinnon
Category:
Funny

Comedy is a tool...

Quote: We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why.
Copy
Author:
Daniel Dennett
Category:
Funny

We adore babies because...

Quote: I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes.
Copy
Author:
Sylvia Plath
Category:
Funny

I looked on my...

Quote: Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Copy
Author:
Benjamin Franklin
Category:
Funny

Wine is constant proof...

Quote: The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
Copy
Author:
Jimmy Fallon
Category:
Funny

The one thing you...

Quote: I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Copy
Author:
Steven Wright
Category:
Funny