Phyllis Diller: I want my children to have all the...

Quote	I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Copy
Author	Phyllis Diller
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Short
Find on Amazon	Phyllis Diller

Quote: A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.
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Author:
Barbara Corcoran
Category:
Funny

A funny thing happens...

Quote: The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential.
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Author:
Ray Stevens
Category:
Funny

The human brain is...

Quote: I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?
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Author:
Leo Durocher
Category:
Funny

I believe in rules....

Quote: Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real.
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Author:
Gloria Steinem
Category:
Funny

Diane Keaton is good...

Quote: I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.
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Author:
Roy Orbison
Category:
Funny

I may be a...

Quote: I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.
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Author:
Katy Perry
Category:
Funny

I wanted to be...

Quote: Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
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Author:
Henry Kissinger
Category:
Funny

Moderation is a virtue...

Quote: How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Author:
Spike Milligan
Category:
Funny

How long was I...

Quote: There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.
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Author:
Milton Berle
Category:
Funny

There's a difference between...

Quote: I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
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Author:
James Brown
Category:
Funny

I'm kidding about having...

Quote: Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
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Author:
Elbert Hubbard
Category:
Funny

Do not take life...

Quote: I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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Author:
Groucho Marx
Category:
Funny

I refuse to join...

Quote: It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.
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Author:
Gertrude Stein
Category:
Funny

It is funny that...

Quote: I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I'm alone.
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Author:
Danny DeVito
Category:
Funny

I don't know. I...

Quote: I'm never afraid to try something if I think it's funny. And I know I'll regret it if I don't.
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Author:
Seann William Scott
Category:
Funny

I'm never afraid to...

Quote: I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
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Author:
Dylan Moran
Category:
Funny

I have a very...

Quote: I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.
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Author:
Paul Simon
Category:
Funny

I was eating in...

Quote: I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue.
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Author:
Marlon Wayans
Category:
Funny

I'm good at coming...

Quote: When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
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Author:
Richard Lewis
Category:
Funny

When you're in love...

Quote: The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking.
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Author:
Agyness Deyn
Category:
Funny

The fact is I'm...

Quote: A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
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Author:
David Brenner
Category:
Funny

A vegetarian is a...

Quote: The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'
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Author:
Isaac Asimov
Category:
Funny

The most exciting phrase...

Quote: Before the Kennedys were elected, there had been older Presidents. Then here was this devastatingly attractive young couple with two beautiful children. They were so intelligent, graceful, gracious and funny. They enjoyed life so much. That's what caught America's eye.
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Author:
Letitia Baldrige
Category:
Funny

Before the Kennedys were...

Quote: I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
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Author:
Lena Dunham
Category:
Funny

I never thought of...

Quote: John Cleese was a big hero of mine. He grew up in Weston Super Mare near Bristol where I grew up; he was always very tall and gangly, but he was smart and used his physicality in a very funny way. I used to think, 'Well he came from Weston and he did it, so there's a chance for me.'
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Author:
Stephen Merchant
Category:
Funny

John Cleese was a...

Quote: I think it's really important for celebrities to use their power of money and fame to get their voices out there. It's funny to me that we're expected to keep quiet just because of who we are. Why do I lose my right to speak my mind because I'm famous?
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Author:
Lisa Edelstein
Category:
Funny

I think it's really...

Quote: It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives.
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Author:
Cazzie David
Category:
Funny

It's so funny how...

Quote: Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
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Author:
Josh Billings
Category:
Funny

Flattery is like cologne...

Quote: No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
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Author:
Abraham Lincoln
Category:
Funny

No man has a...

Quote: It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion.
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Author:
Aml Ameen
Category:
Funny

It's a funny thing:...

Phyllis Diller: I want my children to have all the...

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