Somerset Maugham: It's a funny thing about life; if you...

Quote	It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.W. Copy
Author	Somerset Maugham
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Medium
Find on Amazon	Somerset Maugham

Quote: I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Author:
Joan Rivers
Category:
Funny

I think anyone who's...

Quote: Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do.
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Author:
Joyce DeWitt
Category:
Funny

Does it bother me...

Quote: I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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Author:
Edith Sitwell
Category:
Funny

I wish the government...

Quote: I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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Author:
George Burns
Category:
Funny

I spent a year...

Quote: Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
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Author:
Jules Renard
Category:
Funny

Laziness is nothing more...

Quote: I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.
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Author:
Harold Wilson
Category:
Funny

I'm an optimist, but...

Quote: Tell me I'm beautiful, it's nothing. Tell me I'm intellectual - I know it. Tell me I'm funny, and it's the greatest compliment in the world anyone could give me.
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Author:
Julie Newmar
Category:
Funny

Tell me I'm beautiful,...

Quote: No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.
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Author:
Rowan Atkinson
Category:
Funny

No, no, I was...

Quote: It's funny: I can never sleep between shows; I think it's because I don't like to switch the motor off. I'll probably have some chicken or pasta, though never the two together, and maybe go out for a quick wander around.
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Author:
Richard McCabe
Category:
Funny

It's funny: I can...

Quote: I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.
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Author:
Joe Rogan
Category:
Funny

I had seen movies...

Quote: I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business.
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Author:
Jeff Dunham
Category:
Funny

I think maybe one...

Quote: The next time you have a thought... let it go.
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Author:
Ron White
Category:
Funny

The next time you...

Quote: I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
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Author:
Steve Martin
Category:
Funny

I like a woman...

Quote: All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.
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Author:
Will Ferrell
Category:
Funny

All you have in...

Quote: Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
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Author:
Henry Kissinger
Category:
Funny

Moderation is a virtue...

Quote: Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
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Author:
Don Rickles
Category:
Funny

Who picks your clothes...

Quote: Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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Author:
Albert Einstein
Category:
Funny

Common sense is the...

Quote: The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking.
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Author:
Agyness Deyn
Category:
Funny

The fact is I'm...

Quote: We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why.
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Author:
Daniel Dennett
Category:
Funny

We adore babies because...

Quote: The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Author:
Phyllis Diller
Category:
Funny

The only time I...

Quote: Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Author:
Tim Allen
Category:
Funny

Men are liars. We'll...

Quote: There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.
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Author:
Douglas Coupland
Category:
Funny

There's nothing cure or...

Quote: If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Author:
Henny Youngman
Category:
Funny

If at first you...

Quote: I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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Author:
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Category:
Funny

I am a marvelous...

Quote: Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.
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Author:
Ellen DeGeneres
Category:
Funny

Most comedy is based...

Quote: The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'
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Author:
Conan O'Brien
Category:
Funny

The nightmare is you...

Quote: It's funny - almost every comedian that I started out with moved to L.A., except for my two friends Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. And my two friends that are doing the best in comedy, the most successful friends I have, are Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer.
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Author:
Eric Andre
Category:
Funny

It's funny - almost...

Quote: Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
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Author:
Robin Williams
Category:
Funny

Why do they call...

Quote: No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
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Author:
Abraham Lincoln
Category:
Funny

No man has a...

Quote: I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
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Author:
Lena Dunham
Category:
Funny

I never thought of...

Somerset Maugham: It's a funny thing about life; if you...

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