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Michael Scott Quotes

Explore inspirational quotes.

https://owlquote.com/i/q/owlquote__quotes?b=&a=Michael20Scott&d=&_n=25
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Author
Category
Look at those wrinkles.... Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.
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Make friends first, make... Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.
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My mind is going... My mind is going a mile an hour.
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No, I'm not going... No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.
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No, Rose, they are... No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs...Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?
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Nobody likes beets, Dwight!... Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.
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Now, you may look... Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
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Oh God, my mind... Oh God, my mind is going a mile an hour.
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Our covering ministry is... Our covering ministry is Challenge for Christ ministries, and Travel the Road was solely our mission arm, designed to expose people to what missions are, then connect them with agencies that send people out.
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People are always coming... People are always coming to me. “Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust. No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a… Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call… More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don’t, I don’t want to live like that. I like it here. I don’t want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.
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People will never be... People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.
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Pizza: the great equalizer.... Pizza: the great equalizer.
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Presents are the best... Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It's a tangible thing you can point at and say, Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.
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Society teaches us that... Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
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Sometimes I’ll start a... Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.
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Sometimes I'll start a... Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
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Sometimes you have to... Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.
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Sometimes you just have... Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.
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Tell him to call... Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
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That was offensive and... That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.
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That’s what she said!... That’s what she said!
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The most sacred thing... The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.
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The people that you... The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.
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There are certain things... There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it— And I am not going to tell them that I’ll be reading their e-mails.
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There is no greater... There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles, and find true love.
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There’s no such thing... There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.
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They say on your... They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.
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They say that your... They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.
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This is our receptionist,... This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.
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Times have changed a... Times have changed a little. And even though we’re still a family here at Dunder
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Toby is in HR... Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced... so he's not really a part of his family.
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Toby is in HR,... Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.
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Two queens on Casino... Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.
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Webster's Dictionary defines wedding... Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.
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Well, happy birthday Jesus.... Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry that your party's so lame.
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Well, it's love at... Well, it's love at first sight. Actually, it was... No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.
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Well, just tell him... Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
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Well, well, well, how... Well, well, well, how the turntables.
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We're all homos. Homo...... We're all homos. Homo... Sapiens.
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When I said that... When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.
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Why are you the... Why are you the way that you are?  
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Wikipedia is the best... Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.
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Would I rather be... Would I rather be feared or loved? That’s easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
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Yes it is true!... Yes it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
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Yes, it is true.... Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
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You know what they... You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.’
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You know what they... You know what they say, 'Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three.
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You may look around... You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
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You will not die!... You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!
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