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Copyright © 2022 OwlQuote.com and Spring Launch Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.

All content on this website ("the Site") is the property of Spring Launch Media LLC. The collection and assembly of content on this Site are the exclusive property of Spring Launch Media LLC and are protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. All quotations remain the intellectual property of their respective owners. We do not asset any claim of copyright for individual quotations. The use of quotations is done under the fair use copyright principal.

Parks and Recreation Quotes Share
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https://owlquote.com/i/q/owlquote__quotes?b=Parks20and20Recreation&a=&d=&_n=25
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Category
Encapsulate the spirit of... Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.
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Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy.… copied to clipboard
Fish, for sport only,... Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
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Fish, for sport only, not… copied to clipboard
Fishing is for sport... Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
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Fishing is for sport only.… copied to clipboard
Fishing relaxes me. It’s... Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga; except I still get to kill something.
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Fishing relaxes me. It’s like… copied to clipboard
Friends: one to three... Friends: one to three is sufficient.
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Friends: one to three is… copied to clipboard
Give a man a... Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.
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Give a man a fish… copied to clipboard
Haircuts, there are three... Haircuts, there are three acceptable haircuts: High and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. Are the scissors broken in your house, son?
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Haircuts, there are three acceptable… copied to clipboard
History began July 4th,... History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.
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History began July 4th, 1776.… copied to clipboard
I am only here... I am only here because I owe Leslie a thousand favors. I'm not big on charities. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.
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I am only here because… copied to clipboard
I am submitting this... I am submitting this menu from a Pawnee institution, J.J.'s Diner. Home of the world's best breakfast dish: The Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse.
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I am submitting this menu… copied to clipboard
I call this turf... I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.
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I call this turf ‘n’… copied to clipboard
I don’t want to... I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
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I don’t want to paint… copied to clipboard
I just want to... I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.
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I just want to get… copied to clipboard
I like saying ‘No,’... I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.
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I like saying ‘No,’ it… copied to clipboard
I like Tom. He... I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.
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I like Tom. He doesn’t… copied to clipboard
I think that all... I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model.
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I think that all government… copied to clipboard
I was born ready.... I was born ready. I'm Ron Fucking Swanson.
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I was born ready. I'm… copied to clipboard
I work hard to... I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.
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I work hard to make… copied to clipboard
I’m a simple man.... I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
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I’m a simple man. I… copied to clipboard
It’s always a good... It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
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It’s always a good idea… copied to clipboard
I've been developing the... I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish: for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
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I've been developing the Swanson… copied to clipboard
I've been quite open... I've been quite open about this around the office: I don't want this parks department to build any parks because I don't believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese.
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I've been quite open about… copied to clipboard
Just give me all... Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?
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Just give me all the… copied to clipboard
Keep your tears in... Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.
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Keep your tears in your… copied to clipboard
Leslie needs to butt... Leslie needs to butt out. The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds, and die of a heart attack at 43, you can. You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.
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Leslie needs to butt out.… copied to clipboard
Listen, I've eaten a... Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like.
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Listen, I've eaten a commissary… copied to clipboard
My idea of a... My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke.
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My idea of a perfect… copied to clipboard
Never half-ass two things.... Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
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Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass… copied to clipboard
OK, everyone: shut up!... OK, everyone: shut up! And look at me! Welcome to ‘Visions of Nature.’ This room has several paintings in it. Some are big, some are small. People did them and they’re here now. I believe that after this is over, they’ll be hung in government buildings. Why the government is involved in an art show is beyond me. I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they could just go outside and stand in it. Anyway, please do not misinterpret the fact that I am talking right now as genuine interest in art and attempt to discuss it with me further. End of speech.
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OK, everyone: shut up! And… copied to clipboard
Ron, would you like... Ron, would you like a salad? Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not.
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Ron, would you like a… copied to clipboard
So you talked to... So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?
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So you talked to Tammy?… copied to clipboard
Spending the day outside... Spending the day outside alone sounds like a dream. I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss: silence, the absence of noise, one single moment undisturbed by a children’s tv program called Doc McStuffins.
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Spending the day outside alone… copied to clipboard
Strippers do nothing for... Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.
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Strippers do nothing for me…but… copied to clipboard
The government is a... The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
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The government is a greedy… copied to clipboard
The less I know... The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
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The less I know about… copied to clipboard
The whole point of... The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.
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The whole point of this… copied to clipboard
There are only three... There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.
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There are only three ways… copied to clipboard
There are three acceptable... There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.
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There are three acceptable haircuts:… copied to clipboard
There is only one... There is only one bad word: taxes.
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There is only one bad… copied to clipboard
There’s only on thin... There’s only on thin I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.
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There’s only on thin I… copied to clipboard
Turkey can never beat... Turkey can never beat cow.
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Turkey can never beat cow. copied to clipboard
Under my tutelage, you... Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.
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Under my tutelage, you will… copied to clipboard
Veganism is the sad... Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.
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Veganism is the sad result… copied to clipboard
Well, I am not... Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.
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Well, I am not usually… copied to clipboard
When I eat, it... When I eat, it is the food that is scared.
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When I eat, it is… copied to clipboard
When I walked in... When I walked in this morning and saw that the flag was half-mast, I thought ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!
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When I walked in this… copied to clipboard
When people get a... When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.
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When people get a little… copied to clipboard
You had me at... You had me at “meat tornado.”
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You had me at “meat… copied to clipboard
You’ve accidentally given me... You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.
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You’ve accidentally given me the… copied to clipboard