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Bill Watterson: Reality continues to ruin my life....
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Find on Amazon Bill Watterson

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Laurence Olivier said in...
Quote: Christopher Walken Funny Laurence Olivier said in an interview once that when he plays a tragedy he always aims for the funny parts, and the other way around. Because in a comedy you look for what's serious. I think that's true. Sometimes things are really funny if you're absolutely earnest. If you're really serious, it's hilarious. Christopher Walken Funny
It's funny - almost...
Quote: Eric Andre Funny It's funny - almost every comedian that I started out with moved to L.A., except for my two friends Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. And my two friends that are doing the best in comedy, the most successful friends I have, are Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. Eric Andre Funny
Housework can't kill you,...
Quote: Phyllis Diller Funny Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller Funny
I'd never been in...
Quote: Mercedes McCambridge Funny I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. Mercedes McCambridge Funny
Brought up to respect...
Quote: Bette Davis Funny Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did. Bette Davis Funny
I don't say things...
Quote: Marilyn Manson Funny I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. Marilyn Manson Funny
I don't have a...
Quote: Paula Poundstone Funny I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. Paula Poundstone Funny
I don't have a...
Quote: Vera Farmiga Funny I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. Vera Farmiga Funny
If you're OK with...
Quote: Leo Howard Funny If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you. Leo Howard Funny
Until I was about...
Quote: Pippa Evans Funny Until I was about 14, I was a fat boy, or at least I looked like a fat boy. I think that being funny was a bit of a defence mechanism for me, so I ended up being a bit of a joker. Pippa Evans Funny

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Why is Cloud 9...
Quote: Mitch Hedberg Funny Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny! Mitch Hedberg Funny
I was funny in...
Quote: Jason Mantzoukas Funny I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny. A real charmer with a prominent mustache that he didn't know what to do with and a smart-alecky attitude. Jason Mantzoukas Funny
When you see things...
Quote: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu Funny When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it's absurd. But it's tragic at the same time. Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu Funny
I have a very...
Quote: Dylan Moran Funny I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. Dylan Moran Funny
As a youngster, my...
Quote: Shaquille O'Neal Funny As a youngster, my mother and father always drilled into my head having something to fall back on. My father was kind of funny. I'd score 40 points. I'd come home and say, 'Look dad, I scored 40.' He'd never have a smile on his face. He'd be like, 'I saw that move you did. What if you'd hurt your knee?' Shaquille O'Neal Funny
Anyone who says he...
Quote: Groucho Marx Funny Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx Funny
I wanted to be...
Quote: Ricky Gervais Funny I wanted to be clever, but being funny came first. That's how you know someone is clever. They don't come out and tell you pi to 13 places - they tell you a joke. Ricky Gervais Funny
Comedy is only funny...
Quote: Sebastian Stan Funny Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. Sebastian Stan Funny
It's funny how a...
Quote: Garth Brooks Funny It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment! Garth Brooks Funny
There are a lot...
Quote: Nate Corddry Funny There are a lot of funny people in my family. Absolutely. There were a lot of jokes growing up around the dinner table, for sure. We didn't grow up in a creative family. Nate Corddry Funny

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There's a difference between...
Quote: Milton Berle Funny There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer. Milton Berle Funny
I'm the only man...
Quote: Mickey Rooney Funny I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. Mickey Rooney Funny
You're only as good...
Quote: Fran Lebowitz Funny You're only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz Funny
I had seen movies...
Quote: Joe Rogan Funny I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking. Joe Rogan Funny
Everything I like is...
Quote: Alexander Woollcott Funny Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Alexander Woollcott Funny
Why don't you get...
Quote: obert Benchley Funny Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?R obert Benchley Funny
Maori get pigeonholed into...
Quote: Taika Waititi Funny Maori get pigeonholed into the idea they're spiritual and telling stories like 'Whale Rider' and 'Once Were Warriors,' quite serious stuff, but we're pretty funny people, and we never really have had an opportunity to show that side of ourselves, the clumsy, nerdy side of ourselves, which is something I am. Taika Waititi Funny
The funny thing about...
Quote: Brendon Urie Funny The funny thing about the people I don't like - they're very self-centered. Brendon Urie Funny
Katy Perry still gets...
Quote: Niall Horan Funny Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes! Niall Horan Funny
When God sneezed, I...
Quote: Henny Youngman Funny When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. Henny Youngman Funny

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The heaviest burden: What,...
Quote: Friedrich Nietzsche The heaviest burden: What, if some day or night, a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life, as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh… must return to you—all in the same succession and sequence—even this spider and this moonlight between the trees and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned over again and again—and you with it, speck of dust!’ Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a god, and never have I heard anything more divine!’ If this thought were to gain possession of you, it would change you as you are, or perhaps crush you. The question in each and every thing, do you want this once more and innumerable times more? would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal? Friedrich Nietzsche
You will never be...
Quote: Albert Camus Happiness, Happy You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. Albert Camus Happiness, Happy
In the first six...
Quote: Isoroku Yamamoto Success In the first six to twelve months of a war with the United States and Great Britain I will run wild and win victory upon victory. But then, if the war continues after that, I have no expectation of success. Isoroku Yamamoto Success
Your real, new self...
Quote: C. S. Lewis Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom, Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in. C. S. Lewis
I have lived pain,...
Quote: Ann Voskamp Life, Summer I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July and the song of crickets on summer humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good God gives. Ann Voskamp Life, Summer
Reality continues to ruin...
Quote: Bill Watterson Funny Reality continues to ruin my life. Bill Watterson Funny
Great theater continues to...
Quote: Kenny Leon Travel Great theater continues to bind us, one to the other, and most of us will travel far and wide to see a good story told well. Kenny Leon Travel
God will invade. But...
Quote: C. S. Lewis God will invade. But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realise what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks on to the stage the play is over. God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else - something it never entered your head to conceive - comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing; it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realised it before or not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last for ever. We must take it or leave it. C. S. Lewis
Looking ahead, I believe...
Quote: Charles Vest Education Looking ahead, I believe that the underlying importance of higher education, of science, of technology, of research and scholarship to our quality of life, to the strength of our economy, to our security in many dimensions will continue to be the most important message. Charles Vest Education
Life will take its...
Quote: Aishwarya Rai Bachchan Sad, Life Life will take its toll on all of us. We get injured, we get old. It's really sad to try to run away from these harsh realities of life. Looks are not everything. I am not going to look beautiful all the time. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan Sad, Life