Explore inspirational quotes.
| For my birthday I... | For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Copy Copy For my birthday I got⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| I bought some batteries,... | I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Copy Copy I bought some batteries, but⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| I don't feel that... | I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. Copy Copy I don't feel that I'm⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| I intend to live... | I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Copy Copy I intend to live forever.⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| I kept a diary... | I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot. Copy Copy I kept a diary right⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| I liked school, but... | I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am. Copy Copy I liked school, but I⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| I remember when the... | I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday. Copy Copy I remember when the candle⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| I'm writing a book.... | I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Copy Copy I'm writing a book. I've⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| In a lot of... | In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it. Copy Copy In a lot of ways,⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| What I like about... | What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. Copy Copy What I like about the⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| What's another word for... | What's another word for Thesaurus? Copy Copy What's another word for Thesaurus? copied to clipboard | ||
| When I was a... | When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' Copy Copy When I was a kid,⦠copied to clipboard | ||
| When I'm on stage,... | When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. Copy Copy When I'm on stage, it's⦠copied to clipboard |
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