Jim: That actually took a while. I had to...

Quote	That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just… took ’em all out. Copy
Author	Jim
Category	The Office
Quote Length	Medium
Find on Amazon	Jim

Quote: Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because… I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
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Author:
Dwight
Category:
The Office

Why tip someone for...

Quote: You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

You will not die!...

Quote: It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose.
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Author:
Dwight Schrute
Category:
The Office

It's better to be...

Quote: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Do I need to...

Quote: Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Tell him to call...

Quote: I want you to rub butter on my foot...Pam, please? I have Country Crock.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

I want you to...

Quote: Well, well, well, how the turntables.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Well, well, well, how...

Quote: I have very little patience for stupidity.
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Author:
Kevin Malone
Category:
The Office

I have very little...

Quote: I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

I don't understand. We...

Quote: I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

I think Angela might...

Quote: I don’t care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin.
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Author:
Dwight
Category:
The Office

I don’t care what...

Quote: Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online.
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Author:
Dwight Schrute
Category:
The Office

Jim told me you...

Quote: I have six roommates, which are better than friends because they have to give you one month's notice before they leave.
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Author:
Toby Flenderson
Category:
The Office

I have six roommates,...

Quote: Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don’t sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
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Author:
Jim
Category:
The Office

Just a simple macro....

Quote: No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

No, I'm not going...

Quote: Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.
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Author:
Pam Beesly
Category:
The Office

Jim is not allowed...

Quote: Well, it's love at first sight. Actually, it was... No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Well, it's love at...

Quote: I taught Mike some, uh, phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, “Fleece it out. “Going mach five. “Dinkin’ flicka. You know, things us Negroes say.
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Author:
Darryl
Category:
The Office

I taught Mike some,...

Quote: Oh God no, Dwight isn’t my friend… Oh my God! Dwight’s kind of my friend!
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Author:
Pam Beesly
Category:
The Office

Oh God no, Dwight...

Quote: Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Guess what, I have...

Quote: Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.
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Author:
Andy Bernard
Category:
The Office

Sorry I annoyed you...

Quote: It's not like booze ever kil*** anyone.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

It's not like booze...

Quote: I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

I don't hate it....

Quote: Dwight you ignorant sl**.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Dwight you ignorant sl**....

Quote: I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.
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Author:
Category:
The Office

I feel like all...

Quote: I feel God in this Chili's tonight.
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Author:
Pam Beesly
Category:
The Office

I feel God in...

Quote: Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Webster's Dictionary defines wedding...

Quote: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What’s he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants… he says something ordinary like… ‘yo, thats shizzle.’ Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

Close your eyes. Picture...

Quote: It's a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

It's a pimple, Phyllis....

Quote: No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs...Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?
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Author:
Michael Scott
Category:
The Office

No, Rose, they are...

Jim: That actually took a while. I had to...

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