Jean de la Bruyere: The first day one is a guest, the...

Quote	The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. Copy
Author	Jean de la Bruyere
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Short
Find on Amazon	Jean de la Bruyere

Quote: I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I'm alone.
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Author:
Danny DeVito
Category:
Funny

I don't know. I...

Quote: If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
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Author:
Tallulah Bankhead
Category:
Funny

If I had to...

Quote: I'm a Twitter addict. Jose Andres is a serial tweeter. It's funny to see which chefs have embraced it, and the different paths they take.
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Author:
Anthony Bourdain
Category:
Funny

I'm a Twitter addict....

Quote: I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place.
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Author:
Vera Farmiga
Category:
Funny

I don't have a...

Quote: I'm not funny. What I am is brave.
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Author:
Lucille Ball
Category:
Funny

I'm not funny. What...

Quote: During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.
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Author:
Jerry Stiller
Category:
Funny

During the Great Depression,...

Quote: The reason I keep talking about a wife and saying the word 'wife' on stage is because it seems a funny word to me. The more you say it, the more it seems to detach from that person and become this sort of abstract thing: that you would set out to find a wife, that it would be an objective like buying a new car.
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Author:
Stephen Merchant
Category:
Funny

The reason I keep...

Quote: I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together.
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Author:
Judy Garland
Category:
Funny

I wasn't close to...

Quote: I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
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Author:
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Category:
Funny

I am a marvelous...

Quote: All I've wanted to be is someone people look up to. It's funny - everyone says I'm controversial. I've never worked out what it is about me that's controversial. I've never had a DUI; I've never been in a brawl; you've never seen photos of me walking out of clubs at 5 A.M.
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Author:
Ruby Rose
Category:
Funny

All I've wanted to...

Quote: I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I'm big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day.
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Author:
Matthew Lillard
Category:
Funny

I direct with energy....

Quote: All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
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Author:
Casey Stengel
Category:
Funny

All right everyone, line...

Quote: I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny.
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Author:
Mary-Kate Olsen
Category:
Funny

I run around my...

Quote: When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
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Author:
Roseanne Barr
Category:
Funny

When I used to...

Quote: I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
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Author:
Ellen DeGeneres
Category:
Funny

I think they should...

Quote: I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm.
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Author:
Kurt Fuller
Category:
Funny

I grew up as...

Quote: If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.
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Author:
Henry David Thoreau
Category:
Funny

If I knew for...

Quote: Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.
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Author:
Edward Abbey
Category:
Funny

Society is like a...

Quote: He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
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Author:
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Category:
Funny

He looks as though...

Quote: I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
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Author:
Steven Wright
Category:
Funny

I bought some batteries,...

Quote: The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny.
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Author:
J. K. Rowling
Category:
Funny

The middle class is...

Quote: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later.
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Author:
Sabrina Carpenter
Category:
Funny

If you don't have...

Quote: One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.
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Author:
Samuel Johnson
Category:
Funny

One of the disadvantages...

Quote: I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny.
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Author:
Joan Rivers
Category:
Funny

I truly think comedy...

Quote: That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.
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Author:
Jimmy Kimmel
Category:
Funny

That's my main flaw:...

Quote: You win a race, the next race it's a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That's what is funny. But that's what is interesting. And that's what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time.
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Author:
Michael Schumacher
Category:
Funny