Ron Swanson: The less I know about other people’s affairs,...

The government is a... The whole point of...

Quote	The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Author	Ron Swanson
Category	Parks and Recreation
Quote Length	Long
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The government is a... The whole point of...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I work hard to...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I am submitting this menu from a Pawnee institution, J.J.'s Diner. Home of the world's best breakfast dish: The Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I am submitting this...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Breakfast food can serve many purposes.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Breakfast food can serve...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
Category: Parks and Recreation

The government is a...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: When I walked in this morning and saw that the flag was half-mast, I thought ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!
Category: Parks and Recreation

When I walked in...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I just want to...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Turkey can never beat cow.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Turkey can never beat...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I've been quite open about this around the office: I don't want this parks department to build any parks because I don't believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I've been quite open...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I like Tom. He...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Listen, I've eaten a...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke.
Category: Parks and Recreation

My idea of a...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Ron, would you like a salad? Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Ron, would you like...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Veganism is the sad...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I’m a simple man....

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?
Category: Parks and Recreation

Just give me all...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Dear frozen yogurt. You are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Dear frozen yogurt. You...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Well, I am not...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: You had me at “meat tornado.”
Category: Parks and Recreation

You had me at...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I call this turf...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Child labor laws are ruining this country.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Child labor laws are...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: There’s only on thin I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.
Category: Parks and Recreation

There’s only on thin...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.
Category: Parks and Recreation

The whole point of...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?
Category: Parks and Recreation

So you talked to...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Fish, for sport only,...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Encapsulate the spirit of...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish: for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
Category: Parks and Recreation

I've been developing the...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.
Category: Parks and Recreation

When people get a...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Capitalism is the only way … It makes America great, England OK and France terrible.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Capitalism is the only...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
Category: Parks and Recreation

It’s always a good...

Author: Ron Swanson
Quote: Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.
Category: Parks and Recreation

Give a man a...

Ron Swanson: The less I know about other people’s affairs,...

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