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The Office Quotes

Explore inspirational quotes.

https://owlquote.com/i/q/owlquote__quotes?b=The20Office&a=&d=&_n=25
Quote
Author
Category
It's a good thing... It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.
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It's a pimple, Phyllis.... It's a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.
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It's better to be... It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose.
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It's not like booze... It's not like booze ever kil*** anyone.
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It's simply beyond words.... It's simply beyond words. It's incalculable.
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Jan is cold. If... Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.
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Jim and I are... Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work.
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Jim is not allowed... Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.
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Jim told me you... Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online.
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Just a simple macro.... Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don’t sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
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Look at those wrinkles.... Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.
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Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin Scranton... Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race For The Cure, this is Pam.
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No, I'm not going... No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.
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No, Rose, they are... No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs...Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?
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Oh God no, Dwight... Oh God no, Dwight isn’t my friend… Oh my God! Dwight’s kind of my friend!
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Oh God, my mind... Oh God, my mind is going a mile an hour.
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People are always coming... People are always coming to me. “Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust. No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a… Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call… More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don’t, I don’t want to live like that. I like it here. I don’t want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.
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Saddle Shoes With Denim?... Saddle Shoes With Denim? I Will Literally Call Child Protective Services.
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Sometimes I'll start a... Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
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Sometimes The Clothes At... Sometimes The Clothes At Gap Kids Are Too Flashy, So I’m Forced To Go To The American Girl Store And Order Clothes For Large Colonial Dolls.
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Sorry I annoyed you... Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.  
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Tell him to call... Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
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That actually took a... That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just… took ’em all out.
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That was offensive and... That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.
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There are certain things... There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it— And I am not going to tell them that I’ll be reading their e-mails.
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There Are Too Many... There Are Too Many People In This World. We Need A New Plague.
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There is no such... There is no such thing as an appropriate joke, that's why it's a joke.
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They say that your... They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.
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This is our receptionist,... This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.
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Through Concentration, I Can... Through Concentration, I Can Raise And Lower My Cholesterol At Will.
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Times have changed a... Times have changed a little. And even though we’re still a family here at Dunder
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Toby is in HR... Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced... so he's not really a part of his family.
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Webster's Dictionary defines wedding... Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.
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Well, happy birthday Jesus.... Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry that your party's so lame.
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Well, I just think... Well, I just think we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us. 
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Well, it's love at... Well, it's love at first sight. Actually, it was... No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.
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Well, well, well, how... Well, well, well, how the turntables.
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We're all homos. Homo...... We're all homos. Homo... Sapiens.
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When I die, I... When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
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When I was a... When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung.
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Who is Justice Beaver?... Who is Justice Beaver?
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Why are you the... Why are you the way that you are?  
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Why tip someone for... Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because… I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
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Wikipedia is the best... Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.
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Yeah. Phyllis called me... Yeah. Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact.
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Yes it is true!... Yes it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
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Yes. I have decided... Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence.
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You guys, I’m like... You guys, I’m like really smart now. You don’t even know.  
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You will not die!... You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!
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