Ron Swanson: There are only three ways to motivate people:...

Quote	There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. Copy
Author	Ron Swanson
Category	Parks and Recreation
Quote Length	Short
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Quote: The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

The government is a...

Quote: There is only one bad word: taxes.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

There is only one...

Quote: It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

It’s always a good...

Quote: America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

America: The only country...

Quote: The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

The whole point of...

Quote: I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I think that all...

Quote: Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Encapsulate the spirit of...

Quote: I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I don’t want to...

Quote: So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

So you talked to...

Quote: Do you have any history of mental illness in your family? I have an uncle who does yoga.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Do you have any...

Quote: I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish: for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I've been developing the...

Quote: Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Birthdays were invented by...

Quote: Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga; except I still get to kill something.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Fishing relaxes me. It’s...

Quote: My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

My idea of a...

Quote: There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

There are three acceptable...

Quote: Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Veganism is the sad...

Quote: I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I like Tom. He...

Quote: Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Give a man a...

Quote: I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I call this turf...

Quote: Dear frozen yogurt. You are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Dear frozen yogurt. You...

Quote: Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Fishing is for sport...

Quote: Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Never half-ass two things....

Quote: The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

The less I know...

Quote: I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I work hard to...

Quote: I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I like saying ‘No,’...

Quote: Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Under my tutelage, you...

Quote: I am only here because I owe Leslie a thousand favors. I'm not big on charities. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

I am only here...

Quote: Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Listen, I've eaten a...

Quote: Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Keep your tears in...

Quote: Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?
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Author:
Ron Swanson
Category:
Parks and Recreation

Just give me all...

Ron Swanson: There are only three ways to motivate people:...

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