Steven Wright: What I like about the jokes, to me...

Quote	What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. Copy
Author	Steven Wright
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Medium
Find on Amazon	Steven Wright

Quote: I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.
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Author:
James Patterson
Category:
Funny

I don't get a...

Quote: I have a rule - 'funny is funny!' When I write comedy, it's not my aim to upset people. I will be offensive, edgy and immature, but I will also be very intelligent and relevant. At my shows, there are no holy cows.
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Author:
Vir Das
Category:
Funny

I have a rule...

Quote: I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
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Author:
Paula Poundstone
Category:
Funny

I don't have a...

Quote: It's funny, when bands or younger musicians ask me: 'So, what does it take to make it?' Well, first explain to me what you mean by 'making it': Do you want to be a rock star or do you want music to be your livelihood?
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Author:
Eddie Van Halen
Category:
Funny

It's funny, when bands...

Quote: I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved.
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Author:
Rose Kennedy
Category:
Funny

I'm like old wine....

Quote: I'm probably not very funny. The scripts just don't come in, or the ones that do aren't that good. I suppose I'm just an old drama queen, really.
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Author:
Ray Winstone
Category:
Funny

I'm probably not very...

Quote: Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Author:
George Carlin
Category:
Funny

Weather forecast for tonight:...

Quote: I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Author:
Fred Allen
Category:
Funny

I like long walks,...

Quote: It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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Author:
Jerry Seinfeld
Category:
Funny

It's amazing that the...

Quote: I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary.
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Author:
R. L. Stine
Category:
Funny

I always just wanted...

Quote: I know that I'm going to die and that you're going to die. I can't do anything about that. But I can explore it through a metaphor and make a kind of funny, dark story about it, and in doing so, really exhaust and research as many aspects of it as I can imagine. And in a way, that does give me some closure.
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Author:
Chuck Palahniuk
Category:
Funny

I know that I'm...

Quote: It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.
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Author:
Gertrude Stein
Category:
Funny

It is funny that...

Quote: When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
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Author:
Roseanne Barr
Category:
Funny

When I used to...

Quote: I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
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Author:
Stephen Fry
Category:
Funny

I don't need you...

Quote: I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down.
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Author:
Ella Henderson
Category:
Funny

I'm not a fussy...

Quote: I was the kind nobody thought could make it. I had a funny Boston accent. I couldn't pronounce my R's. I wasn't a beauty.
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Author:
Barbara Walters
Category:
Funny

I was the kind...

Quote: I don't write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.
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Author:
Kevin Hart
Category:
Funny

I don't write material....

Quote: I think my funny books are my favorites because I like to laugh so much.
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Author:
Dav Pilkey
Category:
Funny

I think my funny...

Quote: Ignoring fame was my rebellion, in a funny way. I was insistent on being normal and doing normal things. It probably wasn't advisable to go to college in America and room with a complete stranger. And it probably wasn't wise to share a bathroom with eight other people in a coed dorm. Looking back, that was crazy.
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Author:
Emma Watson
Category:
Funny

Ignoring fame was my...

Quote: A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
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Author:
Bob Hope
Category:
Funny

A James Cagney love...

Quote: My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.
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Author:
Bill Burr
Category:
Funny

My favorite kind of...

Quote: Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children.
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Author:
Michael Morpurgo
Category:
Funny

Animals are sentient, intelligent,...

Quote: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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Author:
George Burns
Category:
Funny

Happiness is having a...

Quote: The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
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Author:
Fred Allen
Category:
Funny

The first time I...

Quote: Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.
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Author:
Joe Rogan
Category:
Funny

Phil Hartman was brilliant,...

Quote: I was born in Paris in the mid-1960s, and by the time I was 12 I had started going to the movies by myself. Most of the movies of that period never appealed to me. I didn't like the 'naturalism,' the sad or the 'down-to-earth' characters. What I wanted from film was fantasy, dreams, funny situations, extravagant decor - and beautiful women.
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Author:
Christian Louboutin
Category:
Funny

I was born in...

Quote: It was pretty clear that I was a funny guy, just as a guy.
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Author:
Chevy Chase
Category:
Funny

It was pretty clear...

Quote: There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me.
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Author:
T. J. Miller
Category:
Funny

There's nothing I would...

Quote: Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
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Author:
Laurence J. Peter
Category:
Funny

Expert: a man who...

Quote: Tell me I'm beautiful, it's nothing. Tell me I'm intellectual - I know it. Tell me I'm funny, and it's the greatest compliment in the world anyone could give me.
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Author:
Julie Newmar
Category:
Funny

Tell me I'm beautiful,...

Steven Wright: What I like about the jokes, to me...

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