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Ron Swanson: When I walked in this morning and saw... Share
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Quote When I walked in this morning and saw that the flag was half-mast, I thought ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!
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Find on Amazon Ron Swanson

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Birthdays were invented by...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
America: The only country...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
The less I know...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Dear frozen yogurt, you...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero Stars. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
So you talked to...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation So you talked to Tammy? What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole? Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
You had me at...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation You had me at “meat tornado.” Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Listen, I've eaten a...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Turkey can never beat...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Turkey can never beat cow. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
There are only three...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Barbecues should be about...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation

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Ron, would you like...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Ron, would you like a salad? Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Encapsulate the spirit of...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy. Easy. Boom, a sad desk. Boom, sad wall. It's art. Anything is anything. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
I am only here...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation I am only here because I owe Leslie a thousand favors. I'm not big on charities. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Strippers do nothing for...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Am I interrupting anything...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Am I interrupting anything important? Impossible. I work for the government. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
I think that all...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
I call this turf...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
I like Tom. He...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Veganism is the sad...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
I just want to...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation

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My idea of a...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
When I eat, it...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation When I eat, it is the food that is scared. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Crying: acceptable at funerals...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Under my tutelage, you...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Breakfast food can serve...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Breakfast food can serve many purposes. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
You’ve accidentally given me...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
When people get a...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
I've been quite open...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation I've been quite open about this around the office: I don't want this parks department to build any parks because I don't believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
History began July 4th,...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation
Well, I am not...
Quote: Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye. Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation

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