Fran Lebowitz: You're only as good as your last haircut....

Quote	You're only as good as your last haircut. Copy
Author	Fran Lebowitz
Category	Funny
Quote Length	Very Short
Find on Amazon	Fran Lebowitz

Quote: When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.
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Author:
Paul Merton
Category:
Funny

When I turned about...

Quote: I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.
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Author:
Steve Harvey
Category:
Funny

I'm going to take...

Quote: I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down.
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Author:
Ella Henderson
Category:
Funny

I'm not a fussy...

Quote: If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
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Author:
William Lyon Phelps
Category:
Funny

If at first you...

Quote: My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better.
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Author:
Carol Burnett
Category:
Funny

My favourite comedian, of...

Quote: Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don't mind laughing at it before you guys do.
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Author:
Kevin Hart
Category:
Funny

Believe it or not,...

Quote: Sometimes I'm really funny, sometimes I'm quiet, sometimes I'm shy, but I'm constantly changing.
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Author:
Elle King
Category:
Funny

Sometimes I'm really funny,...

Quote: All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it.
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Author:
Rickie Fowler
Category:
Funny

All you can do...

Quote: I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business.
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Author:
Jeff Dunham
Category:
Funny

I think maybe one...

Quote: I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Author:
Fred Allen
Category:
Funny

I like long walks,...

Quote: It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.
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Author:
Gertrude Stein
Category:
Funny

It is funny that...

Quote: If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
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Author:
Demetri Martin
Category:
Funny

If you can't tell...

Quote: I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
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Author:
Paul Lynde
Category:
Funny

I wish I had...

Quote: My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
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Author:
Margaret Smith
Category:
Funny

My uncle Sammy was...

Quote: Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.'
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Author:
Paul Rudd
Category:
Funny

Sometimes I think I'm...

Quote: A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Author:
Milton Berle
Category:
Funny

A committee is a...

Quote: How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Author:
Emo Philips
Category:
Funny

How many people here...

Quote: A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
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Author:
Bob Hope
Category:
Funny

A James Cagney love...

Quote: I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
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Author:
Elayne Boosler
Category:
Funny

I have six locks...

Quote: I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival.
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Author:
Hannah Simone
Category:
Funny

I love the funny...

Quote: Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.
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Author:
O. Henry
Category:
Funny

Turn up the lights....

Quote: We spend a lot of time on Skype and other video interviews, and it's funny how many people will prepare for a Skype interview by wearing a formal suit jacket with pajama pants on the bottom. Then suddenly, someone is at the door, and you have to get up, and you realize you're wearing reindeer boxers. Just put pants on.
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Author:
Kathryn Minshew
Category:
Funny

We spend a lot...

Quote: There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
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Author:
Henry Kissinger
Category:
Funny

There cannot be a...

Quote: I find it really funny that men can always get away with being a ladies man. Everyone thinks it's really cool. But a girl can't really date boys all the time because everybody looks down on her. I think boys get away with things so much easier.
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Author:
Jade Thirlwall
Category:
Funny

I find it really...

Quote: When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
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Author:
Roseanne Barr
Category:
Funny

When I used to...

Quote: It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later.
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Author:
Tanya Tucker
Category:
Funny

It's so funny because...

Quote: It's funny. You travel all over the world, and you wind up with a guy from your hometown.
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Author:
Patty Smyth
Category:
Funny

It's funny. You travel...

Quote: The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
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Author:
Dave Barry
Category:
Funny

The four building blocks...

Quote: I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. It's just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life.
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Author:
Louie Anderson
Category:
Funny

I had been asking...

Quote: I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.
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Author:
Angelina Jolie
Category:
Funny

I am odd-looking. I...

Fran Lebowitz: You're only as good as your last haircut....

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